Stephen Sommers resurrected The Mummy, twice, and proved that the adventure formula can actually work for the classic monsters we know and love. Once he established his own production company, he applied the formula again to the rest.
Van Helsing is the ultimate monster mash, pitting a Vatican monster-slayer (Hugh Jackman, fresh meat from the X-Men grinder) against vampires and werewolves in Transylvania. On assignment to slay Count Dracula for holy reasons, Helsing teams up with a quirky, neurotic, strangely lovable sidekick friar (David Wenham--I love watching this dude) and Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale, looking great and badass). The trio uncovers Dracula's secret plot, which involves using Wolf Men as goons and the Frankenstein monster as a life-giving catalyst.
Forced to fight all these creatures, plus Dracula's brides and Igor, the film is just stuffed with action. Most of the film is devoted to watching the gang shoot crossbows at flying vampires and werewolves, swinging from ropes, and running all over castles to find monster cures and other such nonsense. The madcap chases are so frequent, loud, and bombastic, the film hardly ever lets up. When it does, it breezes through the exposition in a huff before getting back into the monster-slaying. Most folks will find this mind-numbing, dumb, and pointless.
The film hits on all cylinders with me though. Each setpiece is long and involving, but also crammed with impressive detail (courtesy of a very nice-looking production that boasts good-looking sets, props, costumes, the works). Computer effects--oh man, there's a ton of them. Some hold up well (I mean, look at the Wolfman--he's still wicked and awesome after all these years). Some don't, although none of it is as horrid as The Mummy Returns. Each sequence is sweeping and exciting, exuding a pure sense of adventure and spirit that's rarely seen elsewhere. What helps is that the formula works--we're given a hero to root for, with sidekicks and enough gadgets to make James Bond jealous. And that's all really cool in itself. Other things to love: the monsters, the mythology, the steampunk aesthetic, and above all, the gothic atmosphere. I have yet to find a film that boasts all of this, and unless a Castlevania film is made, this is as good as Transylvanian adventure gets.
Where the film falls short is in its story. It offers many different payoffs (including a finale that tries so hard to be a tear-jerker), but there's not enough setup to make it work. It's especially bad for the characters--Van Helsing is a man with a mysterious past that's slowly told to us through dialogue. All of it falls on deaf ears--partly because we're too engrossed in all the fighting (seriously, Dracula was monologing during all this), and part of it is because nothing is shown about Helsing's problems. He has nightmares and sins and stuff? We never see it on-screen, so why care? Unfortunately, the same goes for the romantic subplot between Helsing and Anna--we're expected to care about their relationship, right? Except they have maybe one moment together, with one kiss, and zero chemistry. And Anna--don't let her looks fool you. She looks like she ought to drive a stake through some hearts, but she winds up becoming a human pinball, always being tossed into trees and walls and falling for hundreds of feet before getting captured time and again and inevitably saved by someone else. So much for a good heroine.
Unfortunately, the villains are not above reproach either. They're all presented here as pure caricatures--Dracula is just a pompous dude who sucks (...blood that is), Frankenstein is a big dude who talks a lot and is afraid of fire, and Wolf Man is just a man-sized wolf. That's it. Wolfie has his implicit internal man/beast struggle, and that's something I wish could have played a bigger part of the story. Dracula is a walking slice of cheese, thanks to Richard Roxburgh's attempts to copy (or parody?) Bella Lugosi. And Frankie...jeez, he's always screaming and whining and I just wanted him to shut up. Come on, Shuler Hensley, you never heard a peep out of Boris Karloff! All these great monsters show no more depth than their corresponding Halloween costumes. The whole movie is kinda like watching kids taking monster-themed action figures and making them fight.
And yet, I do enjoy the film so much for its stylish, atmospheric production, and the slick way it unites the traditional adventure tropes with Universal's monsters. It's a nice marriage, but it could have worked better with a better script, and maybe a few creative changes. Despite all the cheese and missed opportunities, I will always value this film for trying.
3/5
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