Then along came Attack of the Clones, the second chapter in Anakin Skywalker's fall to the Dark Side. To this day, I've never run across anyone who would praise the film for its romantic angle. Most film-goers agree that the acting is so wooden that there's no actual chemistry between the actors. What hurts the film the most may be its script.
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| Nothing expresses burning passion and desire more than the words "I don't like sand." |
As for Anakin, the lucky dog winds up spending a chunk of the film on Naboo protecting Padme. It's as if the film purposefully corralled the two of them in a safe, convenient, tranquil location for the sole purpose of nurturing their relationship. It amounts to several scenes where Anakin awkwardly says stuff to Padme. They have a picnic in a prairie (where Anakin rides a fat-bottomed cow) and they share a moonlight dinner. After all this, Padme still pushes him back on the grounds of politics and obligations (but there's perhaps an admission that some feeling exists towards Anakin, which only makes him push harder). Then, when Anakin gets some bad dreams, they all fly to Tatooine to deal with Anakin's mother. A Sand People massacre ensues, and we finally see some semblance of the Dark Side influencing Anakin (and Padme is totally cool with it for some reason).
Take this plotline on its own, which takes up maybe a quarter of the movie, and it's boring as a box of rocks. This is a movie series inspired by pulp serials, which demands a constant string of peril and danger so that a plot is built from constant conflict and tension--literally one thing leading to another. That is the stuff adventure fiction is made of. Attack of the Clones neglects this formula, and in doing so it drops pacing and tension.
You'd think romance alone would sell a story, as it has done for countless romance novels and films (including sci-fi--I mean, I could watch the romance in Passengers all day long). Without chemistry, there's little to like about Anakin and Padme as a couple. The problem is not merely the performances--they don't really share anything in the film. Passions? Anakin is a pilot and tinkerer, Padme is anything but. Ideologies? Their little conversation by the waterfalls show that they're on opposite ends of that spectrum, with Padme wanting to defend democracy and Anakin entertaining notions of authoritarian tyranny (and nobody is sure if he's serious). Feelings, even? Why yes, they do share feelings towards each other eventually, but when that's the only thing shared, it doesn't mean much.
In any emotional writing, there has to be a reason why. And any time you want to express why emotions happen, it's best done by showing, not telling. All the romance we see between Han and Leia is shown to us as they play-fight throughout Empire Strikes Back, before they eventually have a heart-to-heart talk (and kiss). It builds up out of the conflict between them--something that was planted even in A New Hope when it's apparent that Han hates Leia's pomp and Leia hates how much of a scoundrel he is. Han proves his worth by changing his mind and helping in the Battle of Yavin (and later Hoth). This opens Leia's eyes on his character, and in turn Han starts to see that Leia is not as uptight as she first seems. Both characters change each other, and thus draw themselves together in an organic, creditable way
Anakin changes for the worst throughout the movies, and Padme doesn't change at all. Neither one alters each other's views on each other. Anakin always had the hots for her, and she only opens up to him when they face certain death. It's as if Anakin is the closest man at that moment before the arena fight, so she decides why the hell not? and they kiss.
Maybe the fact that it is artificial is why this relationship doesn't work in the end. It is a doomed romance since we know that Anakin becomes Darth Vader and Padme will have to keep his children a secret. But this is all stuff that happens in the next movie--for Attack of the Clones, there's no reason why their relationship couldn't have worked if it was written to show why they love each other.
For very specific examples of why this all falls flat, look no further than these pieces of god-awful dialogue:
"Just being around her again is... intoxicating."
Well, love is the drug, I guess, but this always struck me as off. To have Anakin admit this to Obi-Wan is a pretty bold move since he should know that love and attachments are frowned upon.
What I don't like this that this sets up the pattern of Anakin's and Padme's relationship being based on absolutely nothing. A line like this doesn't show that he's interested in her as a person at all. Even if it's purely a physical attraction that's intended, I feel like it could be expressed in a more endearing way. Like this, he equates her to a drug, and therefore more of a thing instead of a person.
"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating...and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth." *strokes Padme's back*
I get what Anakin is saying here--he spent most of his life on Tatooine, and he's drawing a parallel between the coarseness of sand and the coarseness of his former slave life. Tatooine comes to represent Anakin and all his coarseness, and Padme represents Naboo with all her smoothness (why does this sound so wrong?) This metaphor is nice in the sense that it shows how Anakin is at peace with his new surroundings.
And yet, the line is mocked often, and I can't help but to roll my eyes at it too. The problem is that Anakin is using a complaint as a way to woo Padme. Nobody is attracted to complaining--it's an inherently unlikable character trait, and Anakin already vented to her about Obi-Wan and his career and everything. At this point, Padme must think that all he does is gripe. There is no way this line should work, ever.
"From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again... I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you--I can't breath. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating... hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me... what can I do? I will do anything you ask.... if you are suffering as much as I am, PLEASE, tell me."
All of this grates on me personally. I suspect because most of this seems to talk about Anakin's feelings, but it doesn't express them. This is tell-don't-show at its worst, so on-the-nose and artificial that it comes off as inauthentic, unconvincing, and hollow (not to mention long. This is a flipping paragraph).
I'm further put off by the attempted metaphors concerning agony, scarring, torment. It sounds like a reversal of the Hedgehog's Dilemma, which was a very compelling parallel for Neon Genesis Evangelion--the effect in which the closer people get, the more they hurt each other. Here, Anakin seems to say that the closer he gets to Padme the better he is, and he doesn't want to lose her. That's fine and all, but it comes off as more complaining. It's also a demand he puts on Padme, pushing her to say something that will validate or justify his feelings. It's stuff like this that makes many audience members think that Anakin is being predatory. I guess in a way he's trying to hijack Padme emotionally and blame her for the way he feels, and it all reads rather badly.
I have a feeling all of this could have been expressed in a shorter, more economic way. One or two lines, leave the rest implicit, and it would have done the character a huge favor.
"I... I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead... every single one of them. And not just the men. But the women... and the children, too. They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals! I HATE THEM!"
The film showed us Anakin slaughtering the Sand People, and it's a sobering turn. We all knew he'd cross a line at some point. I get that Padme probably forgives him because he's angry and heartbroken for losing Shmi. But let's face it, Anakin just mass-murdered a small settlement--that's a clear red flag of evil.
Run Padme run!
For most of the film(s), we watch as Padme kinda puts up with Anakin's whining and impulses, and eventually caves without much conflict. There's no real reason for her to do so, much less any reason to forgive Anakin for mass-murder (well, other than because they tortured and killed his mother, but Jedi surely don't condone revenge).
You know what would have sold this relationship better? If Padme was a little evil herself.
And why not? Anakin is sort of a bad boy, intentionally channeling the rebellious attitude of James Dean (hair and all). If Padme is drawn to that kind of personality, then it makes sense that she'd overlook some murder (and maybe even put up with some abuse--not that it's right or desirable, but some couples work that way somehow). As it is, Padme does show frustration at the bureaucracy, which failed to protect Naboo during the Trade Federation invasion and failed to track down her assassins. She has every reason to become as disillusioned as Anakin. Palpatine's declaration of an Empire should have made her turn her back on the system. Why doesn't she? Because she's good to the end?
The thing is, Padme has always shown herself to favor action, maybe even to the point of ignoring politics. She does this in The Phantom Menace when she arranges for the Naboo forces to retake their planet, independently of the Republic and the Jedi. When she hides out in the Lake District, she explicitly states she doesn't like the idea of hiding. When Obi-Wan seems to be in danger, she's the one who flies the ship off to Geonosis, and she's all too happy to pick up a blaster and shoot some droids down. All of this is the most amount of agency and fortitude she shows, and it's pretty awesome. You could argue that she's a woman of action and she's no stranger to violence.
In light of that, how big of a step would it actually be to have her fall in love with Anakin's Dark Side? After all, that's the side of Anakin that takes action and makes bold changes. The constraint and dogma of the Jedi is what holds him back and makes him frustrated (and so whiny). The moments he rebels should be the moments Padme becomes drawn to. Those should be the reasons why she sees him as a grown-up instead of a little boy. In the end, how interesting would it be if she stood by his side when he goes full Vader? Granted, this would mean supporting the Empire over the Republic, and that's probably the line she can't cross and the reason why they'd have to split.
In Revenge of the Sith, Padme pretty much spends the entire movie being pregnant, then showing up on Mustafar for a brief argument before being choked out. She remains loyal to Anakin, but for no reason other than because they're already together and are about to have children. They really needed something more to connect them, and a shared passion might have helped fill in the films' empty spaces. If they had a bad romance, it would have come off as less hollow, and I think a little more interesting.
In its final product, Attack of the Clones demonstrates how ineffective a romance can be when the writing fails to capture the nuances of a relationship. There needed to be a reason for the connection. There needed to be chemistry. Conflict. Change. Compromises. A lot of varying ingredients are needed, but the film offers none and we're expected to accept that Padme can eventually fall for a guy who whines and turns evil. It could have been better.
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