Part 2
60: U.H.F.
Guilty of: Despite achieving a cult status and receiving a lot of love from fans, the film was critically panned on its release. Might have something to do with it being really silly, absurd, perhaps even juvenile.
What I say: Having been a Weird Al Yanovkic fan for most of my life, I was pretty thrilled to see that the man put out his own movie. When I got the disc and put it in for the first time...I found it kinda stupid. On repeat viewings, however, I learned to appreciate the finer moments of the film; there are plenty of great jokes and parodies throughout. It is a short, simple, lighthearted film that makes me laugh often, regardless of how silly it all is. It’s exactly my kind of comedy from my kind of comedian, and despite a few dull parts, the movie ranks pretty high as one of my favorite slapstick comedies.
My score: 3.5/5
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59: The Golden Compass
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| Best mount ever! |
Guilty of: Considered to have weak writing, story, characters. Too rushed. Piggy-backing on the success of Harry Potter. Many differences between the book and film. Doesn’t have the controversial bite of the original novel. Still caused some controversy, as certain religious groups tried to boycott the film.
What I say: Despite being watered down to some extent, I still feel that the film represents the book pretty well. Any themes concerning religion are inherent to the story, so some of the key themes still stood out to me. What matters the most, however, are the characters: it was a pleasure to see such a fine cast of characters (and their animal counterparts) brought to life. I was even more enthralled to see the spectacle: the action generally satisfied, and the epic polar bear fight was great.
My score: 4/5
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58: Frankenhooker
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| This is probably what it feels like for many viewers. |
Guilty of: Low-budget and trashy.
What I say: The film’s title in itself is something absurd and ridiculous, so I doubt anybody would go into this film expecting anything more than what it is. Despite being so low-budget and silly, the film is pretty funny most of the time. It’s light on the gore, surprisingly, and the film overall is more tasteful than it initially seems. The outrageous plot and scenes do the film great justice, and makes for one of the most enjoyable B-movies in existence.
My score: 4/5
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57: Snow White and the Huntsman
Guilty of: Acting and pacing considered uneven, confused script.
What I say: I never saw much wrong with this film. A lot of folks seem to say it’s dull or boring, but I never felt that much bored with it. I really enjoyed the film and its wickedly gothic spin on the classic fairy tale. It has a good amount of action and visually-impressive scenes. Above all, Charlize Theron is perfect as the evil queen.
My score: 4/5
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56: Knowing
Guilty of: Absurd plot, cheesiness, takes itself too seriously.
What I say: Holy crap, this film pulls out some incredible surprises. Not only are the disaster scenes really incredible, but there’s some great intellectual potential buried in the plot. By the film’s end, there are some jarring theological overtones and implications that put the story into a deeper context. While many audiences find the concepts and execution laughable (for some odd reason), I found it quite enthralling and enlightening. My only complaint is that the characters acted pretty irrationally in the last act, but otherwise, it’s all good!
My score: 4.5/5
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55: Thir13en Ghosts
Guilty of: Unscary, soulless, considered terrible and trashy in a number of ways. Uses a number in its title as a gimmick.
What I say: Ah man, this film is wicked! Trashy, yes, but also really slick with the glass house and the wild editing effects. There is a lot of painful-looking blood and gore here, especially for the one wicked scene where the guy is cut in half laterally by a pane of glass. At the same time, it’s not a film that seems to take itself seriously. For all its frenetic action, occasional laugh, and frequent bloodshed, Thir13en Ghosts is best viewed as a thrill ride rather than actual horror.
My score: 3/5
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54: Deep Blue Sea
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| YUMMY!!! |
Guilty of: Considered unoriginal and unintelligent.
What I say: In terms of action, this film has its fair share. It’s always thrilling to watch these super-intelligent sharks hunting men and chewing them up. I think everybody can agree that the scene with Samuel L. Jackson’s epic speech is a genuine surprise. It doesn’t offer much for characters or plot, but it’s a fine creature thriller full of suspense and thrills.
My score: 3.5/5
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53: The Sixth Day
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| Arnold Schwarzenegger was born here. |
Guilty of: Routine, formulaic execution.
What I say: This film has some really weird editing effects that threw me off at first, but for some odd reason, I kept coming back to this film for more. Part of it is probably the action: there are plenty of fancy shootouts and helicopter chases and everything. I’ve also grown to appreciate the plot: it does cover some interesting ground regarding genetic engineering and cloning gone wild. It is pretty amusing to see two Arnold Schwarzeneggers on the screen together instead of just one. Overall, the story goes through some fun and interesting plot twists and obstacles, and a plethora of cool sci-fi concepts and ideas keep it engaging.
My score: 3.5/5
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52: Terminator: Salvation
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| Dude, watch the road! |
Guilty of: Lacks heart, weak storytelling.
What I say: There were a few quibbles I had over this film, so it’ll never surpass the greatness of the first two films in my eyes. But heck, it’s a Terminator film, and the filmmakers finally got around to showcasing the apocalyptic man-vs-machine struggle of the future in a full-length feature film. There are some cool fights and battles, especially with some really huge terminators marching around. The story shows some promise, as it not only establishes things that would loop back into the first two films, but also focuses itself on a character who’s trying to figure out if he’s man or machine.
My score: 3.5/5
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51: Aeon Flux
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| Keep off the grass! |
Guilty of: Considered dull and messy. Weak story.
What I say: Make no mistake, the MTV animated show is miles better than this feature film. The show was really wild on a MC Escher level, with dialogue and content that just blows the mind. This film pretty much dumbs everything down, so it’s nothing more than a straightforward action flick. However, it is one slick and stylish action flick. I really do enjoy the action, stunts, SFX, and the overall look and feel of the movie. It’s pretty fantastic and visually impressive at times. Just don’t expect it to be mentally impressive.
My score: 3.5/5
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50: Omega Man
Guilty of: Considered far inferior to the original novel. Considered cheesy and unintelligent.
What I say: Granted that the I Am Legend film is better than this, Omega Man is pretty badass in its own right. For the first part of the film, I was always entertained in watching Charlton Heston strolling through town like he owns the place, pretty much doing everything a man would do if he was the last man on Earth. The rest of the film has plenty of action and thrills to satisfy. Despite a few silly twists and turns, and the age of the film, it’s still one of my go-to examples of a fun post-apocalypse adventure.
My score: 3.5/5
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49: BloodRayne
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| Keep those fake plastic swords away from me... |
Guilty of: Nothing like the video game. Weak on every level. An Uwe Boll picture.
What I say: I went into this film expecting nothing more than a B-movie, and the film delivered. Yep, acting, dialogue, editing, and direction are pretty horrid all around, but I enjoyed the film all the same. I loved Kristanna Lokken as the main character, even if her fight scenes seemed really clunky and awkward. The film has a ton of blood and guts (especially in the unrated cut) which are just plain wicked! The best that can be said is that drag is not too terrible; even if the film is something terrible, there’s always something going on.
My score: 2.5/5
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48: The Brain That Wouldn’t Die
Guilty of: Considered sleazy, cheap, stupid.
What I say: I got a kick out of watching this short and silly affair. It’s surprisingly trashy for a film made in 1959 (it wasn’t released until 1962); you can expect a surprising amount of blood and sleaze to this. It’s also a film so riddled with ridiculous moments, dialogue, and acting, that it lends itself to some easy mockery. A real doozy of a B-movie, this flick is good for a quick laugh and indulgence in absurdity.
My score: 3/5
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47: Elektra
Guilty of: Takes itself too seriously, watered down, weak execution, dull.
What I say: The fight scenes are pretty cool. Strangely, though, I never thought of this as being action-packed; I actually enjoy watching this film more as a mellow hybrid of drama and action. In between the slick fight scenes, the characters do take the time to breathe and develop some rather touching connections. Of course, seeing the title character in a hot red dress is pretty appealing as well.
My score: 3/5
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46: Resident Evil: Apocalypse
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| Don't make me poke you. |
Guilty of: Weak plot and creativity.
What I say: As cool as the first Resident Evil film was, its ending left me wanting more. Thankfully, I felt the sequel delivered, in huge portions. It’s not a long film, but it’s crammed full of action and style. Hardly a moment goes by without a major fight scene or without the characters running for their lives. It’s always a pleasure to watch Milla Jovovich kicking butt, and the rest of the cast is fun. How can I not love a film where characters ride motorcycles through church windows and blow things up with miniguns?
My score: 4.5/5
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45: Zombie Strippers
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| I'd ask for a refund. |
Guilty of: Poorly executed.
What I say: Obviously, the stripping parts of this movie appeal. I think I’m more impressed as to how well-paced the film is, given the amount of crazy bloody zombie-slaying there is, in addition to the often-amusing comedy. It’s silly, outrageous, and gratuitous, and I love it that way.
My score: 3/5
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44: Dragon Wars
Guilty of: Unfocused script, bad acting.
What I say: The acting and writing in this film will induce laughter, make no mistake. Most of this film is really bad and gaudy B-movie material. What really makes it redeemable, however, are its special effects, which are surprisingly awesome. The film’s last half has an excellent battle scene that pits helicopters against a hoard of dragons; it’s big, explosive, and a heck of a thrill ride. I give this film the high points for being perfectly entertaining, even if it fails at everything else.
My score: 2.5/5
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43: Bad Boys II
Guilty of: All style, no substance. Unfunny.
What I say: Probably the coolest looking movie of all time. Even if the film has no real substance to it, the style is so cool, it’s mindblowing! The shoot-outs, with all the slow-motion bullets and bloodshed, are a real sight to behold. The highway car chase is one of the best I’ve seen. The film is a blast, it never really drags, and it’s just too cool to hate on.
My score: 4/5
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42: 2012
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| There goes the neighborhood...into the ocean... |
Guilty of: Weak script, ridiculous in every way.
What I say: The 2012 doomsday theory was ridiculous to begin with, so it’s almost as if this film tells the audience, “what, did you think the Earth’s crust would just fall apart? Then, what, we all get into these giant arks while the world floods over?” The film never fully takes itself seriously, and neither do I. All the stupidity in the plot and characters makes the film easily laughable, with good humor. Above all, however, the spectacle is phenomenal. The disaster scenes, with entire cities crumbling and huge tidal waves crashing over the world’s tallest mountains, are probably the best ever created. It’s a real awe-inspiring sight.
My score: 3.5/5
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41: Judge Dredd
Guilty of: Not sure if it wants to be ultra-violent or a self-parody. Silly.
What I say: Granted, it felt more serious and pulpy when I was a teenager, and thus it hasn’t aged well. I still haven’t seen the new Dredd movie, but the source material definitely requires a more hardcore approach. Regardless, I always did enjoy this 90s film for its entertaining blend of comedy, action, and impressive special effects. I dug Sylvester Stallone as the title character. Story is pretty light and silly, but even with all its cheese, I enjoyed the characters and the presence they projected.
My score: 4/5
To be continued...
