Writing Prompt: I Can Hear You

This week's writing prompt from Writer's Digest:

You were involved in a terrible car accident and have been in a coma for the past three months. What your family and the doctors don’t know is that you can hear everything that they say. Write the scene.

I found this more interesting than I first imagined. I whipped up the following spiel, but it's far from refined. I really don't have any idea if any of this is medically or legally accurate, I just followed the impulses of the drama. For a prompt, I'm not bothered to refine this any more. So here it is just for the fun of it.
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Through the dense veil of darkness, Caleb heard his mother’s voice. “So irresponsible. I thought I taught you better. You always were…irresponsible…” She sniffled and sobbed.

Caleb envisioned her face, contorted with grief and soaked in tears, but he couldn’t see. He couldn’t move. The darkness enveloped all his senses, except his hearing. It was his only conduit to the world. In all the endless hours he listened, he heard constant footsteps, beeping sounds, quiet discussions. He was certain he was in a hospital.

Where else would he be after driving his car straight into an 18-wheeler truck? In the quietest moments of his stay, Caleb still saw the metal grille coming at him like the maw of a metal monster. It felt as surreal then as it did now — the only difference was his state of mind. It was a slurred, hazy experience when he saw the truck and felt the impact rumbling through his body. It was more vivid in his memory.

He didn’t know how much time passed between voices. Minutes? Hours? Years? Time no longer mattered. Caleb remembered how Dr. Manhattan described it in the Watchmen — the past, present, and future all combined into one confusing mess. The only difference was that the big blue man could control space and time. Caleb couldn’t even move his pinky if he wanted to.

After an unknown span of time, Caleb heard other voices, so stiff, commanding, and judgmental. “Your son’s blood-alcohol level was three times over the legal limit. It’s a miracle he got into the car at all.”

His mother asked, “What does this mean?”

“Since he is at fault, he will have to pay the entire cost.”

“He has insurance.”

“Insurance doesn’t cover this and they refuse to pay. We don’t expect you to cover for him at all, ma’am. As the joint owner on Caleb’s account, we’ll just need you to sign this form, allowing all funds to be withdrawn from his account.”

“Does he even have that much?”

“Barely.”

Caleb heard the scribbling of a pen. Just like that, all his money was gone. He heard footsteps as the mysterious man left the room — he must have been an insurance investigator. Once again, he heard his mother’s condemning words, “So irresponsible!”

More empty time passed. Another voice — his best friend Jacob — said, “Hey, I don’t know if you can hear me or not. I heard this sort of thing is good for patients in this condition, I dunno. Uh, how’s it going?”

There was an uncertain pause, and Caleb knew that something else was going to happen. Jacob cleared his throat and said, “Listen…I’m sorry to say this, but you need to know…your boss heard about how wasted you were…he’s going to fire you. Sorry man. I don’t even know how this sort of things works, but if you do wake up, you’re going to have to find a new job.”

Caleb had no money and no means to make money. If he could scream, he would.

More time passed. He heard the occasional mutterings of doctors and nurses. “He looks stable, but who knows how long he’ll be in this state?”

In another instant, he heard his mother complaining, “It costs too much. Can’t we just…” Caleb understood at once, and he envisioned a plug yanked from the wall and ending his life.

“Just give it time, he might come to at any moment,” the doctor assured.

Caleb was scared. His own life was in other people’s hands and there wasn’t anything he could do. He wished he could say sorry to his mother. He wished he could beg to his boss and vow never to drink again. He wanted to repay everybody for all the harm he caused. Without being able to repent, he couldn’t argue his own case to live.

He expected it to end at any minute. A long period of silence followed, before he heard whispers. Strangers in the darkness were arguing. “Are you sure about this?”

“This kid is a deadbeat, nobody will catch on,” another voice said. “Get the scalpel.”

Caleb wanted to know what this was about. Was this surgery? If so, why were they whispering? Why did they talk about him this way?

These were no surgeons — they would have used anesthesia. He felt something in his side, sliding down the skin. It parted, and there was pressure. Somebody made an incision and stuck his hands inside of him. His skin stung, and his organs ached. He wanted to shout and jump up, but couldn’t. All he could do was listen to the sickening sounds of oozing blood and moving tissue.

“His liver looks terrible,” one voice muttered. “What a waste. Kidney’s not bad though.”

“Take it. Hurry.”

The pain lasted for an eternity, before he was left with an excruciating ache in his side. He felt dozens of stings as somebody stitched his skin and closed the incision.

Pain filled all of Caleb’s world, until the voices came back.

“This kid’s still here.” One of them said. Caleb panicked. What else did they want? What more will they take from him?

“Hearts are in high demand,” the other voice said.

“Won’t that kill him?”

“It’s either that, or lungs, or sperm. Hey, you can try to collect his sperm if you want, but I’m not touching that. Besides, the heart will fetch a good price. His mother won’t mind as long as she gets her cut.”

“Let’s take his heart.”

Book Review: Man in the High Castle (Philip K Dick)

What would the world look like if the Allies lost WWII? In this speculative novel, Philip K Dick offers his typical "slice of life" view of an alternate world where Germans and Japanese claim America, and their cultures become fused with ours. It's not as scary of a future as you'd see in other modern interpretations (the only ones of which I actually know of being the game Wolfenstein: The New Order, or the film The Philadelphia Experiment 2 - both are pretty extreme views that emphasize action more than storytelling). But there are subtleties that may get under your skin. The threat of fascism, and the inherent racism of the Nazis, gives the book the poignancy it needs.

Unfortunately, this is a book I didn't consistently enjoy. I found myself digging parts of it, but then I felt it dragged, and the sum of the parts never congealed into a story that fully captivated me. Part of the issue is the same problems I had with The Martian Time-Slip and Dr. Bloodmoney - I couldn't really relate to or care for the characters, and then I couldn't really follow them through the meandering plot. Much like the other PKD novels I mentioned, the plot itself eludes me - no central conflict stood out, so it felt like a random bunch of people doing whatever. There are parts where it felt like there was direction, and the ending is not bad. There are themes to be had and characters worth exploring. I just couldn't follow it as well as I wanted to.

The book itself is pretty well-written, as expected. PKD does have a style that's perfectly read-able and he does a great job of getting inside the characters' heads and immersing readers in the world he describes. This is a world that seems well-researched, incorporating a lot of different cultural references to make this future feel more real. The prose overall is great.

There's nothing much wrong with this book, and sci-fi fans ought to check it out. It just didn't grab me personally.

3/5

Book Review: Blackstar (Josh Viola)

"No price too great, no distance too far / If we could wish upon a Blackstar..." - Celldweller, "Wish Upon a Blackstar"
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How cool is this? A novel's been made to take all the mythology and ideas from Celldweller's music and tell a tangible story with it all. The songs are as imaginative as they are catchy and full of beat - somewhere in the lyrics, there was always some kind of story begging to be told.

Fortunately, the book is a cool product. The story is a pretty far-out adventure across space and time. The hero is a hacker dude (who happens to sport a red mohawk, just like Klayton...hmmm...). The villain is a tyrant we love to hate. There are aliens, robots, spaceships, and more! It's not all just a bunch of stuff thrown against the wall to see what sticks though - the premise of using memories as a commodity is an original and unique idea. The book does pull out some incredible character twists, and it all ties together into a pretty tight package.

Unfortunately, the book only had me hooked for the first third. Once everybody reaches Scardonia, things started to feel messy for me personally. I realize that part of the issue is the scope - there's a ton of stuff that happens, including an epic revolutionary battle at the end, but with only six or so characters to drive the whole story, it feels very short and limited. On top of that, the few characters the book has become interconnected in very complex ways across different times and areas - it will take some patience and thought to sort it all out. It wound up coming off as rather convoluted.

The story itself uses some pretty basic tropes - it's a standard good-vs-evil affair with familiar archetypes you can find in other cyberpunk and adventure books. What matters the most are the characters, which are fairly likable and fairly well-developed, and the settings, which will stagger the imagination.

The book is written with a very brisk style. It comes off as a little blunt at times. It succeeds in immersing the reader in the minds of the characters and the world they live in. It also uses some bizarre style choices that may appear messy at first, but aren't too terrible. The prose is good, plain and simple.

There is much to like about Blackstar, especially for Celldweller fans and sci-fi fans. However, I couldn't shake the feeling that it's a cash-in on the music. I appreciate the book for its imaginative worldbuilding and such, but the story didn't necessarily captivate me all the way through. Best recommended for fans.

3.5/5