Video Game: Gameplay Tips for Far Cry 3

Dropped in the middle of a tropical island, with dangerous pirates, wildlife, and the elements all out to get you, it can be overwhelming to master Far Cry 3.  Fortunately, it's not too hard once you get the hang of things and start unlocking your character's potential.  Still, if you're having difficulty, perhaps this guide can help.

Who needs guns when we have leopards?

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General Tips

• After the initial mission or two, you're pretty much free to explore the map.  When you first start, you'll only have access to the northern island (which is the largest and comprises the bulk of the game anyway).  After finishing a good number of main missions (like, two third or so of the way in), the southern island will unlock.  You will have a wide array of choices:  aside from the main story, you can engage in side missions, supply drop missions, hunter quests, assassination quests, liberating outposts, climbing radio towers, or finding collectables.  There is a ton of stuff to do, and most of it is purely optional.  It will all depend on what missions you enjoy doing and what you want out of them.
• Before you do anything, climbing the radio towers and activating them should be your first priority.  The towers will reveal a good chunk of the map, making it easier to navigate and find stuff.  You will get some xp for it too.
• For experience point farming, the main story quests offer the most points, but you can also beef yourself up really good by activating radio towers, liberating outposts, doing the trials of the Rakyat, finding the letters of the lost, and finding relics.
• For money, most of the other mission types (such as the assassinations, hunter quests, side quests) can help.  There are also a jillion loot chests scattered around the map. 
• In addition to walking, driving, or hang-gliding, you can climb certain areas.  Always look out for ledges that have either ropes or vines hanging down:  those are areas where you'll be prompted to press X to climb.  Such areas may lead to secret areas with loot, relics, or they may lead to alternate entrances to a given site.
• Except for certain story missions, you'll always have the choice between combat or stealth.  As such, it may behoove you to pick the skills that will match up with your play style first (although, ultimately, all skills can be earned by the game's end).
• If you choose combat, be sure you have plenty of ammo before you engage an outpost or start a mission.  You can always visit a shop to buy and equip weapons, attachments, and ammo.  As a rule, I always carried an assault rifle, a SMG, a sniper rifle, and plenty of explosives.  You can heal yourself any time with the unlocked healing skills, but in the heat of battle, it can take to long for you to reset your bones and wrap bandages; medkits and syringes are faster.  In a gunfight, it helps to stay behind cover, rather than standing in the open.
• For stealth, your knife will be your best weapon; you'll want to sneak up behind enemies and perform takedowns.  Additional takedown skills can be unlocked in the different skill trees, and can help you on stealth missions.  Suppressor attachments for rifles and guns make life a lot easier too.  I pretty much remained crouched most of the time, and use the camera to tag enemies and watch them from a distance.  Also remember that you can always distract enemies by throwing rocks (or possibly by setting fires or silently killing other bad guys around them, but these will make them more alert as well).
• Pick the weapons you are most comfortable with.  I've favored the SMGs, but they burn through ammo really fast.  Assault rifles are trustworthy enough, but are unwise for stealth (unless you buy the "Bushmaster" gun).  Sniper rifles are great for long-range.  RPGs, flamethrowers, and other explosives are best used for causing huge amounts of damage.
• Throughout the game, you may occasionally run across broken down cars in need of repairs.  If you carry the repair tool with you, you can fix it for the driver, and they'll reward you with money.

Hunting and Gathering

• Early in the game, you'll be introduced to the game's crafting mechanics as part of the main story.  The game will basically teach you to gather plants, hunt animals, and craft a few basic items.  As you go on, it would behoove you to craft bigger and better items.
• Gathering plants is easy enough:  just walk up to any colored plant, press square to hack off a leaf.  Gather so many leaves of different colors for different syringes.  Different syringes will become available for crafting for collecting relics and completing other tasks.  Not only will syringes heal you, but there are also some that help you track enemies, buff you up, and there's one for temporary god mode.  XD
• Skinning animals will be a necessity for expanding your inventory.  A lot of these animals will be dangerous, so you might want to use the hunter's instinct syringe to identify the predators in the region, and keep them at a distance.  If you're having difficulty finding a specific animal, refer to the map to find specific regions where specific animals reside.  Leopards can be found pretty much anywhere at any given time (I've found them roaming around hunting goats and pigs and stuff).  Eventually, if you've crafted every type of bag, you'll have to complete a special "Path of the Hunter" quest for the final bag upgrade.
• After a while, I learned that I don't need to hold onto every animal skin that I've collected.  If you find that the next levels of crafting doesn't require certain animals kins, I'd sell those extra skins if I were you.  Just keep the rare ones or the most valuable ones until you're absolutely sure you don't need them after all.
• Looting corpses and finding loot chests can be a good way to find more ammo and money if you're running low.
• Basically, when I'm not doing a quest of some kind, I tend to roam the map, poking through every nook and cranny to find loot chests, relics, letters, and to hunt animals, while making my way to liberate outposts and activate radio towers.  That's half of the game's fun right there!

How to Liberate the Island

•  There are 34 outposts on the map, which covers the map in an ugly red fog, and sends out patrols of bad guys all over the roads.  To liberate them is probably the most rewarding experience in the game, because it nets you a good amount of xp, you can find plenty of loot and collectables around these outposts, you'll have good guys roaming the map instead of bad guys, and they make it possible to fast travel in more places.
• After activating a radio tower to reveal the map, simply look at the map and pick an outpost to assault.  I usually put a marker on the outpost I'm heading for, so it will be clearly marked on the landscape when I'm running through the hills.
• Approach the outpost, but keep your distance.  When you see it in the distance, I recommend circling around it in the roughage, rather than on the main roads or in the open.  While crouched, sneak closer to the outpost, and use your camera to zoom in and scope out the place.  Bad guys will be tagged.
• Watch the tagged enemies closely, and figure out your approach.
• If you have silenced weapons (such as a sniper rifle with a suppressor), you can pick off the bad guys from a distance.  I prefer to do this on enemy snipers and isolated enemies first; their deaths don't usually trigger alarms.  Then I'd carefully snipe at the other enemies, preferably when they walk away from the others.  If other enemies see their own men getting killed, they will react, but if they don't see you they won't raise the alarm.  If you're able to continue sniping at them without being seen, then you could do so and liberate the outpost completely and get the Undetected xp bonus.  If you've shot everybody and still haven't liberated the outpost, there's probably a straggler that you'll have to find.  In this case, sneak into the outpost and use your camera to look for people hiding in the buildings or towers.  If you're spotted, you'll have to switch to an assault rifle and fight your way through.
• If you want a more up-close and personal approach, many of the outposts can be penetrated pretty easily from alternate routes:  there are usually holes in the walls you can sneak through, or you can swim up to certain ones, or drop down from a hill slope.  You'll probably want to tag enemies either before you enter the outpost, or as you traverse through it.  Keeping obstacles between you and the enemies, you can sneak up to enemies who are on their own and out of sight from the others, and perform a takedown on them.  More advanced takedowns from skills you unlock can help you take out enemies with greater proficiency.  It also helps to distract enemies with a rock to make them go where you want them to, either to sneak past them or lure them to a quiet place for a takedown.  As you sneak around the base and pick off enemies, it might also be a good idea to walk up to the nearest alarm panel and disable it, just in case.  If you manage to do a takedown on every enemy without being spotted, you'll get the Undetected bonus.  Otherwise, be prepared for a tough fight.
• There are other ways to cause a disruption.  Some outposts will have cheap wooden cages with animals in them; shooting them (preferably with a silenced weapon) will unleash hell on the nearest bad guys.  The privateers at the southern island will be more resistant to this approach, but I've seen a few pirate outposts taken down solely from an escaped leopard or bear.  Another thing to consider is starting fires (either with molotovs or the flamethrower), which can creep over the outpost and make the enemies freak out, and possibly burn to death.

Enemy Types

•  Herbivores:  when tagged, these critters will have a cute little paw icon on them.  These creatures are not aggressive.  You'd only attack them for their skins...or because you're a cruel and heartless jerk.
• Predators:  marked with a jaws icon.  These are the dangerous animals.  Hunt them for their skins.  Better yet, release them from cages or lure them with rocks to make them attack pirates!
• Normal:  indicated with a skull-and-crossbones icon.  These are pretty standard goons with guns.  Much like a common stormtrooper, they've got simplistic AI and will fall pretty easily to any level of firepower.
• Snipers and RPG:  have a crosshair icon.  Snipers can be spotted pretty easily, because they'll often sweep a thin laser beam across an area with their gun.  RPG dudes just kinda walk around with rockets strapped to their backs, looking all tough.  They're usually positioned at a distance, because they're long-range.  It's best to try and take them out first, before they take you out.
• Chargers:  have a lightning bolt as their icon.  When they see you, they will run into your face with a knife, because they're crazy! They also have molotovs, which are annoying.  Better take them down before they reach you (and they often ignite on fire if you shoot them just right).
• Heavy:  signified with a shield icon.  These guys are easily the hardest foes to defeat, because they're, well, heavy.  They're heavily armored, and take like a whole clip of bullets to take down.  Scoring a headshot will take them out quicker, and will earn you a big fat juicy xp bonus (and it's especially rewarding to snipe at them with a single shot to the head).  If you have the heavy beatdown skill unlocked, you can perform a takedown on them easily enough.  These guys sometimes pack a LMG or flamethrower, so it's advantageous to take them out quickly.

Trophy Hunting

Trophies in this game aren't too hard, and chances are good that you'll get at least 60% of them just by doing the main story.

• The main story quest is challenging, but it's a simple manner of following waypoints, shooting bad guys, and doing a few quick-time events.  Some missions may require stealth, but throwing rocks, using silent takedowns or silenced weapons, can all help.  Completing the 38 main quests will unlock all the secret trophies.  Difficulty doesn't matter on any of the trophies here:  feel free to go easy on yourself if you have to.  It also doesn't matter what choice you make for the final mission...you'll know it when it happens.  Just trust your feelings.
• The "Freefall" trophy can be tricky, but it is quite do-able.  I simply found a glider on a mountain close to the coast, flew it over the ocean, and ditched the glider from 100 meters high.  Upon slashdown, the trophy unlocked.  I forget where I found such a glider, but one can be found at coordinates X: 442.4, Y: 651.1, upper-right corner of the map.
• You can earn two trophies for unlocking your skills.  Simply gain enough experienced to gain five skill points, use them on unlocked skills, and you'll earn the "Inked Up" trophy.  Unlocking them all will be a longer ordeal, but is easily achievable by doing the main story quests for massive xp, and doing everything else (outposts, radio towers, relics, letters, etc).  Attain every skill for the "Fully Inked" trophy.  Chances are good that you'll unlock this trophy before the game's end.  Just be aware that some skills need to be unlocked by performing special tasks (such as liberating two outposts undetected, performing a "death from above" kill, etc).  Be sure to accomplish these tasks during your conquests; if you liberate every outpost before getting this trophy, you won't be able to unlock certain skills.
• Liberating outposts will earn both the "Rebel With a Cause" and "Island Liberator" trophies.  Just comb through the map, take your time to take out the guards, and once you liberate all 34 of them, both trophies should be yours.
• Liberating an outpost without setting off the alarm will earn you the "Unheard" trophy.  See notes above for liberating outposts.  You don't need to be totally undetected, you just can't let the alarm go off.  It helps to manually deactivate the alarms by walking up to the panel and pressing the square button (shooting the panel will make that individual panel inoperable, but not all the panels).  Still, it helps a lot to take out the outpost without being seen or heard, so give it a try!
• The "Money to Burn" trophy is easy.  When you've looted enough money, buy up any maps, guns, ammo, etc. from the stores, and once you hit $5,000, you'll get the trophy.  This should come naturally:  you'll want to buy all the maps anyway to find the relics and letters and stuff.
• The "Aftermarket Junkie" trophy unlocks by buying both attachments and paint jobs for a given weapon.  I unlocked this with one of the sniper rifles:  when you have enough money, just select the given weapon, press X to look at the attachments, and be sure to hit R1 to find the paint jobs.  Upgrading the 1911 pistol might be the easiest to do this on, since it has no attachments, just $1,200 worth of paint jobs.
• The "Full Bars" trophy unlocks when you activate 9 (about half) of the radio towers.  It's easy, just walk or drive to the nearest one, climb it, and press the square button on the control panel on top of the tower.  Some towers can be tricky to climb, so look out for areas that have rope hanging down (those are the areas you can walk up to and climb).
• The "Archeology 101" trophy is accomplished by finding 60 (about half) of the relics.  Buying maps and activating the radio towers will reveal the locations of collectables in a given section.  Simply go to the various relics marked on the map and nab them.  A lot of them will be hidden in caves or underwater, so you may have to explore around an area to find these things.  There are plenty of easy relics to find in the open though.  If you're out exploring, be sure to explore caves, islands off the coast of the main island, on the tops of mountains, and in ruins to find relics.
• All the Letters of the Dead can be found just like the above:  reveal the map, but the collectables map, then find the letters.  All of these are found in the WWII ruins around the islands.  Some of them may be sealed behind solid doors, so you may need to use explosives to blast them open.  Find all 20 of these letters, and the "Dead Letters" trophy will unlock.
• "Memory to Spare" is unlocked by finding all 20 memory cards.  All of these are found in the safehouses that are unlocked by liberating outposts.  So if you liberate all 34 safehouses, you should get all the memory cards.  Be sure to visit each safehouse to find these glowing, humming laptops, and press the square button to grab the memory card.  You can always fast-travel to a memory card location if you're missing one.
• The "Jungle Journal" trophy unlocked when you unlock 50 entries in the handbook.  This unlocked for me pretty early in the game, so it should come naturally for you too.  A journal entry will unlock for every person, place, and thing you run across.  To unlock things quicker, work through the main story, harvest more plants, and kill more animals.
• The "Let the Trials Begin" trophy unlocks for completing a Trial of the Rakyat mission.  These are the red stars marked on the map.  Simply walk up to one of these glowing red stones, press the square button (I think), and the mission will start.  You'll just need to beat the lowest score to earn this trophy:  you score points for killing the most enemies in a given time.  Be sure to hit the blue barrels to extend your time, and don't let yourself die (these missions give you infinite medical syringes, usually).  The higher the score, the more rewards you get.
• I earned the "Poker Bully" trophy by doing one of the side missions (I believe it was the "Father's Burden" quest, which sends you out to win some money back from some gamblers).  Regardless, you can always earn this by going to the poker places marked on the map with a black ace of spades type of icon.  All the poker games in this game are a five-card holdem type of game, and you  can choose to play as a novice for less earnings or as a master for bigger stakes.  Playing the actual game always felt frustrating to me, because these AI players seemed to bet big on stupid low cards, and it kinda threw me off.  Still, you can earn some big money pretty easily by betting big on good hands and folding when you have a crap hand (as near as I can tell, these players don't bluff, so it's not wise to call a big bet if you have a bad hand).  Just keep it up, and eventually you'll make out.  Poker winnings can be monitored from your stats screen in the handbook.
• Be sure to complete at least one of every quest type.  You get a trophy for doing a side quest, a hunter mission, a "wanted dead" mission, and a supply drop mission.
• For the "Hunter Hunted" trophy, you'll need to be attacked by a predator first, and then you'll have to kill it.  I think I did this on a crocodile, which are plentiful enough; if one attacks you, follow the on-screen prompts to wrestle it and stab it to death.  Otherwise, if you find a dingo, leopard, or other predator attacking you, shoot it!
• The "Poacher" trophy unlocks for completing a special type of "path of the hunter" quest, which are all unlocked as you liberate outposts.  A poster with a red "rare" stamp on it will indicate whether or not the animal you're hunting is rare.  Simply start the quest and complete it; you'll earn this trophy, and a special skin that you'll probably need to max out your bag crafting skills.
• Be sure to use the Crafting section of the start menu to craft stuff frequently, using the plant and animal loot for bags and syringes.  You get a trophy for crafting five items, and 25 syringes, and "1 special syringe" (the special syringes will be their own type of category, and are unlocked after collecting 30 relics).
• To get the "Say Hi to the Internet" trophy, go to coordinates X: 619.7, Y: 559.4 (upper right corner of the map) to find somebody stuck in the sand.  Press the square button.  Nothing will happen, until the trophy appears.  Then you can just move on and leave the guy there.
• For the "Heartless Pyro" trophy, attain the flamethrower by either buying it, or unlocking it in shops from activating radio towers.  When you have it, carry it with you and burn every pirate scumbag you see!
• The "Love the Boom" trophy is a tricky one.  According to the PS3 trophy guide, you go to the Welshore Wrecker's House Outpost (coordinates X: 437.9, Y: 795.0).  Set off the alarm, so reinforcements arrive.  Use an RPG on the jeeps that show up.  If all else fails, be sure to get this trophy before you liberate all the outposts, otherwise there won't be enough bad guys around to blow up all at once.  I suffered this problem at first, but gave it a shot with one of the "wanted dead" quests, and just used an RPG to blow up a cluster of bad guys.  The trophy came up shortly thereafter.
• I also haven't gotten the "Rock Always Wins" trophy; it seems to take an ungodly number of rocks to win this one.  If all else fails, simply find some bad guys, sneak up to them, and distract them with rocks over and over again until the trophy unlocks.  As long as they walk to the sound, they're considered distracted.
• Yep, I also sucked at getting the "Never Saw It Coming" trophy.  Upon buying the "Death From Above" skill from the Heron skill tree, you can stab bad guys from above; do it from a zipline, glider, or parachute to earn this trophy.  "The Medua's Call" mission is supposedly a good place to do this at.  Otherwise, there are always bad guys roaming around the area around X:  360 Y:  700; lure one of them beneath a zipline, then let him have it.  I've tried repeatedly to do this with a hang-glider and parachute, but it never worked.  Zipline seems to be the way to go with this one, and this exact location will be the best spot, even if you've completed everything else in the game.
• For the "Improper Use" trophy, buy or unlock the repair tool, and cram it into some hapless bad guy's face!
• For the "Toxophilite" trophy, you'll need to buy or unlock the recurve bow, and shoot a bad guy with it from over 70 meters.  This is quite a distance, so it'll help to buy a scope.  I accomplished this on a sniper walking on a rooftop of some outpost, but if you're looking for a specific target, try the Welshore Wrecker's House Outpost (coordinates X: 437.9, Y: 795.0).
• Tag 25 enemies with your camera for the "Island Paparazzi" trophy.  Since I tag enemies all the time with the thing, this trophy came up very quickly.
• For the "Fearless or Stupid" trophy, there's a deep blue spot in the sea (e.g. at the coordinates X: 709.1, Y: 835.6).  Simply swim to the very bottom of the ocean floor to earn this.  Crafting the deep dive syringe can help you hold your breath for longer, and be sure to press L3 to swim faster.
• Every other trophy is achievable by completing the co-op maps, either online or offline.  I heard it's possible to achieve this campaign solo using two controllers on causal mode.

Book Review: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (Seth Grahame-Smith)

“Judge us not equally, Abraham. We may all deserve hell, but some of us deserve it sooner than others.” - Seth Grahame-Smith

It just sounds so ridiculous and silly:  Abraham Lincoln, one of the most iconic American presidents of all time, led a secret life slaughtering the undead.  What next? Maybe George Washington fought zombies? Did Julius Caesar clash with a minotaur? Adam and Eve vs aliens? Good lord, the possibilities are endless!

The funny thing is, Seth Grahame-Smith wrote this unbelievable concept in such a manner that's so straight-faced, you can take the book seriously.  There is plenty of action and vampire slaying, certainly.  There's also a lot of drama, a little bit of politics, and a little bit of war, just as can be expected in a Abraham Lincoln biography.  The author took great lengths to incorporate journal segments, and even photos, that appear like creditable primary sources.  The book's style is purely biographical, so it reads like non-fiction, with bursts of fantasy action.  Not only does this make the novel a unique oddity, but it's also fast-paced and pretty easy to read.

Written in the style of a biography, the book covers pretty much all of Lincoln's life, sometimes skipping over the years to get to the vampire slaying.  Although I'm pretty oblivious to the historical facts of the man's life, the book appears to incorporate as much historic truth and fact as it can, going so far as to tying in the drama of his wife, children, the war, and the ultimate assassination into the story.  It also covers some ground regarding the Civil War, politics, and slavery, and they're all tied into the overall man-vs-vampire conflict.  As the central character, Lincoln proves to be decently nuanced, with a decent level of pathos.

The novel's style is pretty much described above:  half action-packed, half biography, all pretty easy to read.  I have no complaints about the quality of the writing, and I think the author did a fine job of using the proper language and style for this story.

4/5 (Entertainment:  Very Good | Story:  Good | Book:  Good)

Al's Top 100 Guilty Pleasure Movies Part 5

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

20:  Antichrist

I dream of acorns.  I don't know why.

imdb score:  6.6 | RT score:  48%

Guilty of: Hard to take with the graphicness and brutality.  Simple, understated plot with no real depth.  Many critics would go so far as to call it pretentious and shallow.

What I say:  Well, yeah, the genital mutilation scenes are hard to take, so I wouldn’t expect any normal person to make it through this film.  It’s also a film that’s very light with the story and characters; it’s basically just a guy and a woman at a cabin in the woods, trying to kill each other for no apparent reason.  What makes this film great, however, will be its visuals.  The opening montage is a thing of beauty, shot in black-and-white with some of the most gorgeous slow-motion shots ever filmed.  From then on, there’s a lot of strange and surreal imagery that’s outlandish, fantastic, and darkly beautiful.  Even though the film never states its themes outright, the visuals carry enough power and feeling to make the viewer ponder on what the film’s supposedly about.  It’s not so much a film as it is a piece of art:  the artist merely threw some shapes and forms together, and it’s up to you to derive the meaning.  Now, good luck trying to figure out why this film is called Antichrist.

My score:  5/5
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19:  House on Haunted Hill (1999)

"The doctor is in."

imdb score:  5.4 | RT score:  27%

Guilty of:  Unsophisticated, unoriginal, totally not scary.  Weak final act relies on an overdose of special effects (and it did end at an odd spot).

What I say:  This movie creeped me out when I first saw it, and it still does.  It takes a lot for ghost stories to scare me, but dang, the ghosts in this movie were flat-out crazy and violent; the way they moved and spazzed out was unsettling, and the gnarly kills made them really threatening.  So by the time the big black mass of ghosts crept out of the walls, I was really feeling the fear.  The last act may not have scared many people, but that thing was so unnatural and invincible that it had me at the edge of my seat.  On top of all that, the film has a wicked style and atmosphere, and it never drags.  People may favor the original 1959 film, but you know, the old one never scared me much at all…

My score:  4/5
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18:  Daylight

Is it getting hot in here?

imdb score:  5.6 | RT score:  21%

Guilty of: Horrible acting from the supporting cast, standard disaster movie fare.

What I say:  The characters do make some dumb moves and act stupidly, but their struggle for survival is still intense and compelling enough to keep me hooked.  The film has one of the most bombastic and impressive disasters of all films (which in turns provides some interesting implications and dynamics that affect the progression of the story).  Certainly not the smartest disaster movie ever made, but I always enjoyed it.

My score:  4/5
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17:  X-Men Origins:  Wolverine

Go ahead, say you don't like my movie!

imdb score:  6.7 | RT score:  38%

Guilty of: Iffy writing, iffy editing, mixed quality of special effects, dull story.

What I say:  I would agree that something is off about this promising prequel, but I’ve learned to forgive the film of its flaws and enjoy the story as it is.  The story’s plot twists never felt right to me, but on repeat viewings, I grew to appreciate them more.  Above all, the action scenes are often incredible, and most of the acting is phenomenal (especially from Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber).

My score:  3.5/5
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16:  Tom Yum Goong (The Protector)

Where's my elephant? I want my elephant!

imdb score:  7.0 | RT score:  55%

Guilty of: Weak plot and choppy editing.  Confusing subtitles and dubbing doesn’t help either.  Nothing terribly deep or sophisticated.

What I say:  I think most action fans will agree that this film totally rocks.  I remember in the 00s that Thai martial arts really took off with a bang, thanks to Ong Bak and its incredible fights and parkour scenes.  Plot-wise, The Protector is pretty much the same story as Ong Bak, only swapping out a statue for an elephant; themes of poaching and trafficking ensue.  What really matters here will be the action, and it is some awesome stuff.  One of the biggest highlights is an epic fight in which Tony Jaa takes on scores of bad guys across four floors of a building…and the camera NEVER cuts! Just one continuous take of this guy rushing up these stairs and taking out bad guys; the logistical prowess, the choreography, and the overall skill of such a feat is unparalleled.  With oodles of other great fights and action scenes, The Protector really is one of the most entertaining martial arts movies available.

My score:  4/5
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15:  Transformers:  Revenge of the Fallen

imdb score:  5.9 | RT score:  21%

Guilty of: Long, loud, messy, and obnoxious with no real substance.  The twins didn’t help either.  A few other nitpicks with the concepts (like robot heaven) may have rubbed viewers the wrong way too.

What I say:  Huh? What? This movie sucked? I swear, I got back from the theater thinking it was the awesomest thing ever! Revenge of the Fallen took the action to a whole new level, with the robots tearing up highways, aircraft carriers, and the pyramids of Egypt like it’s nobody’s business.  With really tiny Transformers, really huge ones, really goofy ones, really cool ones, the filmmakers went all-out to provide the next biggest spectacle.  I believe they succeeded, and I believe they still told a story that’s enjoyable and easy enough to follow.  It could have used some refinement, but it’s still one heck of a blast.  This fine spectacle would only be surpassed by the next TF sequel!

My score:  4/5
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14:  Airplane II:  The Sequel! 

imdb score:  5.9 | RT score:  39%

Guilty of: For the most part, considered highly inferior to the first film.  Retreads many of the same jokes.

What I say:  Having grown up with this film, I have fond memories of it.  I always enjoyed the outer space settings and all the jokes, even if the jokes were the same as from the first Airplane movie.  To me, this sequel goes hand-in-hand with #1, especially since most of the cast returns and the comedic style remains the same.  With plenty of original jokes and gags up its sleeve, the film remains a highly entertaining romp.  I still quote it from time to time, especially from William Shatner’s cameo appearance.

My score:  5/5
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13:  xXx

Impossible bike stunt #251...

imdb score:  5.7 | RT score:  48%

Guilty of: Too much action, too much silliness and stupidity.

What I say:  This is another movie that I just know is bad to some degree, especially in the absurdity of its story and stuntwork, but I still enjoyed it.  The action, even at its most unbelievable, does satisfy.  I also grew to enjoy Xander Cage as a character.  The whole thing tries its best to be rough and gritty, but is never fully brutal.  Nothing terribly substantial or mature, but perfect entertainment for me nonetheless.

My score:  3/5
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12:  The Transporter

imdb score:  6.7 | RT score:  54%

Guilty of: Weak plot, considered incoherent.

What I say:  With some awesome car chase scenes, and fights scenes that are extremely fast and brutal, the film definitely entertains.  The plot is not much, but it definitely has its moments, especially with showcasing a rigid character who decides to break his own rules.  Despite being on the insubstantial side, I do consider this a must-see film for action junkies.

My score:  4/5
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11:  Doomsday

imdb score:  6.0 | RT score:  51%

Guilty of: Rips off a bunch of other films, lacks a cohesive narrative or charismatic lead characters.

What I say:  This film does indeed rip off a jillion other movies (most notably, Escape from New York and the Mad Max series).  However, the film is very fast-paced, pulpy, and has some really cool fights and chase scenes.  Despite some jittery camerawork, the film is stylish.  A few cool and novel ideas (whether original or not) keep it engaging for a nerd like myself.  For the most part, though, I just find it sublimely entertaining.

My score:  3/5
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10:  Death Race

imdb score:  6.4 | RT score:  43%

Guilty of: Mindless and empty.

What I say:  While lacking in character development and serious emotional investment, Death Race is one of the rawest, most badass, most exciting films of its type.  It gives the original Death Race 2000 film a much-needed make-over, complete with an awesome array of rough, heavily-armored cars, loads of crazy bloodshed, and highly kinetic action scenes.  The story and main concept are handled well.  Overall, the film delivered everything I expected.

My score:  4/5
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09:  Charlie’s Angels

imdb score:  5.5 | RT score:  67%

Guilty of: Extremely silly and over-the-top.  Style over substance.  At its worse, chauvinistic.
 
What I say:  Man, is this film ever silly.  I was taken aback as to how ridiculous and over-the-top the film was, but in time, I learned to sit back and enjoy the thrill ride.  And why not? It’s got plenty of action to spare, a bright and lighthearted spirit, humor, and a trio of wonderfully playful and attractive ladies.  I think what I love best about the film is that it lends itself easily to repeat viewings, thanks to all the detail and nuances put into the story, characters, and the insane amount of costumes this production uses.  Over the years, this has become one of my top go-to movies for a quick and easy dose of action and sex appeal.

My score:  4/5
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08:  Die Another Day

imdb score:  6.0 | RT score:  57%

Guilty of: Considered the worst James Bond movie ever.  Overblown and over-the-top.

What I say:  As a Bond fan, this film blew me away when I first saw it.  It gets a little silly, but I always loved the Austin Martin and all its gadgets, and its ultimate duel with the villain’s decked-out car on a field of ice.  There are a bunch of thrilling fight scenes.  Although I initially felt the film borrowed too much from previous 007 films, I learned to appreciate the nuances in the characters, especially the main villain.  This film is also very bold and notable for its opening act, which takes such an iconic and invincible hero and puts him through the most suffering of any movie in the series.

My score:  4/5
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07:  G.I. Joe:  Rise of the Cobra

imdb score:  5.7 | RT score:  34%

Guilty of: Silly, cartoonish, and over-the-top.  Weak writing, weak acting.

What I say:  This film is all, like, less yapping and more zapping! Hardly a moment goes by without some crazy futuristic weaponry going off, causing some mass carnage.  The chase scene in Paris remains one of my favorite action scenes of the past decade; it’s an awesome scene where cars go flying off in all directions.  There are loads more spectacle as the characters frequently clash and fight and battles break out across the globe.  There’s admittedly not much plot to all this, but for a quick fix of stylish and explosive action, this film satisfies.

My score:  3/5
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06:  Transformers:  Dark of the Moon

imdb score:  6.3 | RT score:  36%

Guilty of: Once again, it’s Transformers.  Real film snobs turn their noses up at Michael Bay.  Specifically, it’s loud, bloated, obnoxious, and still has thin substance.

What I say:  This film has so many explosions, so many special effects, so many battles and fights that it will melt your face off and turn your brain to a dense gooey mush.  Dark of the Moon successfully surpasses the other two TF films in terms of spectacle, with a major fight or battle breaking out every ten minutes or so.  Then the last hour is just one long epic struggle, with robots tearing up an entire city as they lay the smackdown on each other.  If it’s a big and badass spectacle I want, I look no further than this!

My score:  4.5/5
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05:  I Spit On Your Grave (1978)

imdb score:  5.5 | RT score:  55%

Guilty of: Trashy, simple, ugly, hard to watch, very notorious for its violence.

What I say:  With an agonizing scene of torture and humiliation that runs on for nearly forty minutes, I wouldn’t expect a normal person to sit through this trashy affair.  It is indeed a hard and ugly thing to watch.  However, from such ugly atrocities give way to the sweetest revenge scenes; I can’t help but to root for the woman when she tracks down her oppressors and wickedly murders the lot of them.  Camille Keaton did an exceptional job of not only portraying the trauma, but also strength and resolve. As brutal and uncompromising as these revenge scenes are, it’s no wonder this film was originally entitled Day of the Woman. 

My score:  4/5
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04:  Dune

"The sleeper has awakened!"

imdb score:  6.5 | RT score:  57%

Guilty of: Considered gaudy, messy, and incomprehensible.  Takes some liberties with the original novel (especially in replacing “desert power” with “weirding modules”).  Even the director, David Lynch, declared it was his biggest failure.  Bombed at the box office.

What I say:  There’s a certain power to this film that I’ve always found mesmerizing and awe-inspiring:  a power that’s emotional and epic.  A lot of it is in the visuals; weird and surreal as they are, the imagery really packs a punch for a lot of the scenes and concepts.  I also think that Kyle MacLachlan’s performance is very powerful and commanding, giving the film even more weight.  A few odd scenes, a few humorous scenes, and a very wicked production design help make the film stand out as a fantastic work of science fiction unlike any other.  Granted that the sci-fi miniseries for Dune presented the story better, David Lynch’s film captured the style and power of the story the best.

My score:  5/5
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03:  The Matrix Revolutions

"Everything that has a beginning has an end."

imdb score:  6.6 | RT score:  36%

Guilty of: Doesn’t have as much brain-food as the other two Matrix movies.  Disappointing conclusion.

What I say:  I’ve always been a sucker for grand finales.  After some slight drag in the first act, The Matrix Revolutions roared on full-steam ahead with some of the most incredible and awe-inspiring action scenes I had ever seen.  The Battle of Zion, which pits a swarm of wicked machines against the last of the human race, is a harrowing and fantastic sequence. The final duel between Neo and Agent Smith (despite being a little long and pointless) is phenomenal, as they fly through the air and bash each other into buildings.  Fight scenes are as skillfully-executed as ever, while the visuals continue to impress.  At the time, I thought the shot with Neo’s fist driving through the raindrops and slamming into Smith’s face was the best special effect I had ever seen; you could even see the veins and the impression of the fist on Smith’s face!

"He fights for us..."

With these major sequences, and a few smaller ones in between, there’s little room for the story and characters to breathe.  I won’t deny that the story takes a few unexpected and iffy twists:  two of the main characters are killed off, and the film’s final solution is decisively anticlimactic.  However, I do think that it’s an intelligent ending that works.  Even though there’s no philosophical depth like there is in the last two movies, this film achieves a mythical and spiritual climax.

In time, I grew to see the redeeming value of the Matrix’s final film.  It builds strongly on a theme of duality and opposites, and by fusing two equal and opposite forces, it brought a logical end to the story’s overall conflict.  It was the spectacle I longed for ever since I first laid eyes on the Matrix, and I believe it is still a decent finale.

"It was, after all, it was your life that taught me the purpose of all life. The purpose of life is to end."

My score:  4.5/5
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02:  Star Wars Episode I:  The Phantom Menace

"At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge."

imdb score:  6.5 | RT score:  57%

Guilty of:  Jar Jar Binks.  Very iffy acting and writing.  Lots of cheese.  Questionable plot and character development.

What I say:  Well, I’m as shameless of a Star Wars fan as any other Star Wars fan, so it’s no surprise that I’d stick with all the feature films regardless of how bad or cheesy they are.  I actually have fond memories of 1999, when this film stormed the box office scene and everybody could really feel the hype and suspense this film’s release generated.  Although the spectacle of The Phantom Menace has since been outdone by Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith, this film was once an impressive feat.  Something like 90% of it was digitally animated, pushing the boundaries of technology to paint great, otherworldly settings and planetscapes.  It brought a myriad of strange alien lifeforms and droids to life.  Above all, it gave us great action setpieces, such as the epic podrace scene and the Battle of Naboo.  The lightsaber duels here are among some of the best ever filmed.  A lavish production design with gorgeous shooting locales helped give the film a bright and gleaming edge.

"Negotiations were short."

Even I will admit that the film has issues, and my enthusiasm for it has waned over the years.  Yes, Jar Jar Binks is freaking annoying! Yes, some of the acting makes me cringe.  Regardless, I’m okay with putting up with a few embarrassing moments to enjoy the action and to see how the story unfolds.  As the first official part of the saga, it does its best to lay the groundwork for the prequel trilogy’s characters and situations, while simultaneously mirroring the plot structure of A New Hope.

Right now, TPM ranks as my least-favorite Star Wars film, and I think it’s considered everybody’s least-favorite.  At one point, however, I revered it for its technical prowess and explosive action.  If nothing else, it will always resonate with me for its adventurous, lighthearted, perhaps even naive spirit. 

"Remember: Your focus determines your reality."

My score:  4.5/5
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01:  Sucker Punch

Ow!

imdb score:  6.1 | RT score:  24%

Guilty of: Often lambasted for having a weak or incomprehensible plot and story, for being emotionless, for being all-style-and-no-substance, and even going so far as being misogynistic.

What I say:  If nothing else, you can bet that I love the action and visual style of this film.  The film pits a group of badass heroines against giant robot samurai, steampunk soldiers, orcs and dragons, and robots across four distinct fantasy environments.  Each fantasy segment is a nerd’s dream brought to vivid life, all full of vibrant detail and excitement.  Despite all the criticism, most audiences agree that the action satisfies.

"Its everyone of us who holds power over the world we create."

Where the film loses its audience will be in the reality scenes in between the fantasies.   This is not so much an action or fantasy movie, as it is a drama about characters in a mental institution, with fantasy scenes injected in key moments.  The jarring shift from reality to fantasy seems to throw most audiences off.  It confused and distracted audiences to the point of coming off as messy, weak, and hollow.

The relationship between reality and fantasy is better understood in the film’s Extended Cut, available on disc.  Quite a few key scenes are extended and elaborated upon to reinforce the parallels between the three layers of reality that exist in the film.  With a smoother transition that makes more sense, I recommend this version of the film the best.

As you may surmise, even with the theatrical cut, I did not trip over this film’s perspective shifts the way other audiences did.  If anything, I found it stimulating to try and understand the film’s structure.  While some more character development would have been welcome, I did sense a key message regarding empowerment, as the dialogue seemed to beckon to the characters (and possibly the audience) to stand up and fight for what they believe in.

"You have all the weapons you need. Now fight."

While I won’t deny that this film (as it is with most other Zack Snyder films) is missing a certain sense of pathos, it is a tight and intriguing piece of cinema that offers a tremendous spectacle.  People say that the story is weak and stupid, but I disagree vehemently; the story’s sound, so long as one is receptive to understanding it and all its nuances.  If nothing else, however, this is one film that thrills me, engages my mind, and beckons me for frequent repeat viewings.  Since I find it so tantalizing, and very few other viewers do, it comes out on top as my personal favorite guilty pleasure.

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."

My score:  5/5

Al's Top 100 Guilty Pleasure Movies Part 4

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

40:  Ghost Rider

imdb score:  5.2 | RT score:  26%

Guilty of: Considered corny and weak, especially regarding the acting.

What I say:  While this story could have been substantially darker and more intense (something that the Spirit of Vengeance sequel did a little better), Ghost Rider has its share of coolness.  It’s hard not to appreciate a flaming skeleton riding a motorcycle, for both its special effects and gothic appeal.  The story is pretty light and fluffy, but it never really drags, and is generally fun.

My score:  4/5
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39:  Chronicles of Riddick

imdb score:  6.6 | RT score:  29%

Guilty of: Nothing like Pitch Black, and therefore disappointing.

What I say:  Yeah, Pitch Black is great and all, especially in the way it introduces Riddick, the wicked serial killer who goes from being the antagonist to the protagonist.  But heck, I’ll take the sequel over the first film any day.  Pitch Black dragged a lot for me; Chronicles of Riddick ramps up the action and adventure to a level that’s always appealed to me a lot better.  It’s finally a chance to unleash all of Riddick’s potential as an action hero, and he succeeds tremendously.  Except for the choppy editing, I do love the look and style of the movie.  For me, it’s a very satisfying piece of fantastic sci-fi, and I’m grateful that it took a different direction rather than just going through more of the same.

My score:  4/5
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38:  Clash of the Titans (2010)

imdb score:  5.8 | RT score:  28%

Guilty of: Considered to have a weak script, plot, and production value.

What I say:  Although this remake carbon-copies a lot from the original film, I believe it’s more successful at being tighter, more entertaining, and more fantastic.  All of the epic moments – the scorpion fight, the Medusa fight, the releasing of the Kraken – are bigger and awesome.  The drama between the main character and the gods adds an interesting new dynamic to things.  Overall, a satisfying mythic adventure, even if it does feel light and a little shallow.

My score:  4/5
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37:  Showtime

imdb score:  6.3 | RT score:  23%
 
Guilty of: Just another buddy-cop movie, nothing special.

What I say:  Just another buddy-cop movie, but it feels special to me, thanks to its often-amusing comedy, which is brought to life perfectly by the cast and their chemistry.  It’s a blast to watch Eddie Murphy and Robert DeNiro’s interactions.  Having some really spectacular action scenes help too.

My score:  3.5/5
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36:  Battleship

B-5! Miss!

imdb score:  6.0 | RT score:  34%
 
Guilty of: Loud, stupid, poorly written, formulaic.

What I say:  Yeah, this film is pretty stupid, full of unlikable characters, and is a weak story.  But heck, stupidity has never been so fun! Once the action hits, it’s practically non-stop, and it is pretty darn awesome to watch these battleships and alien ships blasting each other to hell.  The action here is about as strong and impressive as a Michael Bay film.  Comedy, intention and unintentional, make it a real hoot too.

My score:  3/5
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35:  Van Helsing

imdb score:  5.8 | RT score:  23%
 
Guilty of: Hollow, overblown, cheesy.

What I say:  Probably the ultimate Halloween movie…the fun type, not the scary or intense type.  The cheese might be overbearing, as is the action, but it is a tightly-packed thrill ride with tons of excitement and style.  Special effects were impressive for its time (hasn’t really aged as well since).  For a movie that crams in so many battles and brawls with Dracula, Frankenstein, werewolves, vampires, and even Mr. Hyde, this is as definitive of a monster mash as we’ll get!

My score:  3/5
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34:  Heavy Metal

Flying mount, ftw!

imdb score:  6.5 | RT score:  58%
 
Guilty of: Considered juvenile, dated, potentially sexist.

What I say:  It’s a pretty weird type of sci-fi and fantasy, but a type that doesn’t seem to get enough attention on film.  Coming from the ever-awesome Heavy Metal magazines, this film brings a few of the stories to life with decent (albeit somewhat gaudy, cheesy, and dated) animation quality.  This anthology of stories offers plenty of thrilling pulp and adult-oriented fantasy, but will be most memorable for its final segment, which showcases the iconic leather-clad chick riding a dragon and holding up a sword.  It’s an image that appeals to me a lot:  a primal and raw portrayal of danger, brutality, and beauty all at once.

My score:  4/5
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33:  Dante’s Peak

Another fine model is destroyed.

imdb score:  5.7 | RT score:  27%
 
Guilty of: Incredulous story, bad writing, same old disaster movie spiel.

What I say:  A few scenes are stupid (kids made some stupid moves, no way can a truck drive on lava).  Regardless, I always felt the story’s finer points outweigh the unbelievable parts.  First and foremost, this is still the most realistic depiction of volcanoes on film:  the way the film shows the flooding, earthquakes, lava flows, and ultimately the pyroclastic clouds is plausible and scientifically sound.  The characters are relatable and their drama is intense (even if it is a little contrived).  Of course, the action is spectacular:  the model work (despite being a little fake-looking now) is phenomenal, and the sheer mass destruction is incredible.

My score:  4/5
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32:  The Lost World:  Jurassic Park

Do not feed the T-Rexes!

imdb score:  6.3 | RT score:  52%
 
Guilty of: Weak story, considered inferior to the original.  Annoying characters.

What I say:  As much fun as the first film is, I always felt this sequel had bigger and better action and adventure sequences.  The dinosaur hunts, the cliff-hanging trailer scene, the raptor fights, and the final scenes with the T-Rex rampaging across San Diego have always thrilled me.  The special effects and dinosaur designs were refined really well by this point.  The story and characters have their moments, and the comedy can be surprisingly amusing.  Despite all its absurdity, The Lost World always felt as good of an experience as its predecessor for me personally. 

My score:  4/5
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31:  Mr. and Mrs. Smith (2005)

Romantic activities of the modern couple.

imdb score:  6.4 | RT score:  58%

Guilty of: Too much action and style, poor writing.

What I say:  Action is pretty awesome here, but as it is with a few other flicks listed here, this is one of those movies I feel is pretty mellow.  I watch this more for its smooth style, the chemistry of the actors (which is great), and the dry comedy, with the action as a mere bonus.  I feel it’s an exquisite and satisfying mixture of style, substance, and entertainment.

My score:  4/5
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30:  Pearl Harbor

One box office bomb, coming up!

imdb score:  5.7 | RT score:  25%

Guilty of: Bad dialogue and writing, hokey romance, tries too hard to be serious and sentimental.  At its worst, waters down the tragedy of the Pearl Harbor bombings as a flashy blockbuster, and is therefore considered disrespectful.

What I say:  While its weaknesses can’t be fully ignored, I can honestly say that none of them bothered me one bit.  I’ve always loved Pearl Harbor, not only for its spectacular action, but also for its gorgeous photography, endearing characters, and strong attention to detail.  Even though the production is highly-polished and some liberties are taken, the filmmakers did incorporate a lot of historic fact (interviews and documentaries on the film’s DVDs do provide some accounts from actual war veterans that were indeed shown in the film).  Film and history buffs may favor Tora! Tora! Tora! as the definitive Pearl Harbor film, but I personally prefer the warmth, flash, and romanticism of Pearl Harbor.  An R-rated cut of this film is available with something like 60 extra shots of material:  it’s not much, but it does make the war scenes much more brutal.

My score:  4/5
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29:  Twister

imdb score:  6.1 | RT score:  59%

Guilty of: Generic plot and characters.

What I say:  Like with most other films here, I never saw much wrong with Twister.  I naturally always did enjoy the actual twister scenes, with their fun special effects and sequences of destruction.  I think the characters were likable and endearing, and their drama really drove the story on a deeper level.  It helped raise the stakes to the point where I actually cared about the plot, and thus I’ve always enjoyed it immensely.  Fun side characters and some humor help too.

My score:  4/5
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28:  Toys

I need one of these for our office.

imdb score:  4.8 | RT score:  26%

Guilty of: Overbearing morals, shallow and heartless, weak plot and story

What I say:  I’ve always found Toys charming in every way.  The visuals are charming, especially in the way it creates optical illusions.  The humor is charming, especially with Robin Williams’ antics and jokes.  The story and characters are charming.  In spite of all this, I never saw much wrong with this film, and was quite surprised by all the negative reviews.

My score:  4/5
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27:  The Fantastic 4

imdb score:  5.7 | RT score:  27%
 
Guilty of: Considered goofy and mediocre.

What I say:  Every time I’ve seen this film, I had a blast.  Certainly not as deep or rewarding as The Dark Knight or anything, but among the early wave of Marvel heroes, The Fantastic 4 felt ambitious and rewarding in its own right.  It captured the perfect blend of humor, action, and spectacle that makes superhero films fun to begin with.  It’s the perfect combination that I’d personally associate with the F4.  The characters are a hoot to watch, especially with their dysfunctional-family dynamics.  I dug the story.  With the crazy superpowers and explosive action, I’ve always considered this one of the funnest superhero movies of the lot.

My score:  4/5
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26:  Tomb Raider:  The Cradle of Life

imdb score:  5.3 | RT score:  24%

Guilty of: Considered dull.

What I say:  I’ve always had mixed feelings for the first Tomb Raider film:  I wanted to like it, but its style and narrative got in the way.  I much prefer this second one:  it’s a simple, light, straightforward adventure with some really cool action scenes and stuntwork.  Pacing is tight, and hardly a moment goes by that doesn’t entertain me.  I consider just about everything in this sequel to be a vast improvement over the first film.

My score:  4/5
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25:  Event Horizon

imdb score:  6.6 | RT score:  23%

Guilty of: Considered unsophisticated, messy plot and characters, all style no substance, generally considered stupid.

What I say:  First and foremost, Event Horizon has a forbidding style and production design unlike any other.  Looking like something straight out of a Doom or Quake video game, the settings and locales look incredibly bleak and oppressive, giving the film the perfect atmosphere and visual look.  When I first saw the film and understood its premise, it gave me chills, thanks largely to the visuals and presentation.  While the acting can be quite cheesy, I enjoyed the characters, as much as I enjoyed the plot.  It’s not Solaris by any means, but at least Event Horizon entertains (and maybe even scares a little).

My score:  4/5
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24:  Creepshow 2

imdb score:  5.6 | RT score:  30%

Guilty of: Only three stories? What a gip! Considered cheap and inferior to the original.

What I say:  To me, this anthology of stories has always gone hand-in-hand with the first film.  Granted that the first Creepshow had more stories of a particularly wicked and original persuasion, I’ve always found the stories in this sequel just as entertaining and rewarding.  For the longest time, The Raft was my favorite of the lot:  it’s pretty gnarly and intense to watch these stupid teenagers getting picked off by a blob floating in a lake.  The Hitchhiker is pretty wicked too, and Old Chief Wood’nhead has its moments.  Sure, they’re all a little cheesy, but cheese has always been the special ingredient of Stephen King’s and George A Romero’s works.

My score:  4.5/5
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23:  Conquest of the Planet of the Apes

imdb score:  5.9 | RT score:  44%
 
Guilty of: Too bleak, too angry, too violent, incredulous, has a gutless ending.

What I say:  As a piece of dystipian sci-fi, and a Planet of the Apes prequel, Conquest is phenomenal.  I love how raw and uncompromising most of it is, and how rough and sterile it makes the future look.  Above all, I always had a blast watching Caesar and his army rising up against their oppressors.  On Blu-Ray, I was pleased to see a more radical cut of the film, which has even more violence, and an ending that eschews the theatrical cut’s happy ending in favor of something far more brutal.

My score:  4.5/5
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22:  Abraham Lincoln:  Vampire Hunter

Emancipate this!

imdb score:  6.0 | RT score:  35%

Guilty of: Nothing like the novel.  Uneven pacing.  For a movie with such a ridiculous premise, it plays things so straight that it’s never funny.

What I say:  The story is quite uneven, as it seems to jump over entire years of events in such a short time.  However, I wound up feeling pleased with how tightly-paced the film is.  The biggest standout here will be the action, which is frequent, really cool, incredibly fantastic, and generally a blast to watch.  The original novel did a top-notch job of weaving the vampire slayings with Lincoln’s biography; even though the film doesn’t follow the book one bit, it is successful at taking itself seriously enough so that the average, unassuming, laid-back audience (like myself) can take the movie and all its silliness seriously.  It probably could have worked better as a tongue-in-cheek self-parody, but it still wouldn’t have been anything like the book; what we get is a fun little dose of stylized action.  It helps that the acting isn’t too bad either.

My score:  3.5/5
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21:  Priest

imdb score:  5.7 | RT score:  16%

Guilty of: Dull, derivative, convoluted plot, clichéd.

What I say:  I generally agree that there’s a ton of stuff wrong with this film:  the plot makes little sense, characters aren’t that strong, and it seems like a billion clever ideas were crammed together and mixed up randomly.  Still, the film is immensely entertaining:  the action is really bloody awesome, with loads of fights and loud battles and really cool special effects.  It helps that there are a few clever ideas buried beneath the film’s slick veneer. 

My score:  3/5

To be continued...