I've always been a little dissatisfied with the layout of this here blog; my color and pattern scene has always been rather plain. So I finally took the time to modify some things, changing the background and stuff. Holy crap, I never realized that blogspot had such a fine selection of backgrounds! If all else failed, I figured I'd use this image as a background:
At any rate, I also realized that this blog really hasn't touched upon much actual writing, Sure, I've reviewed some things and posted a couple of stories, but concerning the actual act of writing, I haven't really been forthcoming. And chances are that you're reading this wanting some info on writing, rather than me rambling on about random stuff (what can I say, I'm still a noob at the art of blogging).
The good news is, for the past few weeks, I've been attending a local writer's group. It's a small group, consisting of five to six people including myself, and we've all been covering different types and genres of writing. The important thing is that we get to exercise our brains and skills, improve them a little, and get a healthy dose of motivation.
Last session, the group provided some practice on characterization. Characters are the key, most important element to any story; the more complex a character is, the more interesting he or she is, and the more interesting the story overall becomes. In fact, characters often motivate me to write out a story moreso than the events. So we had to conceive a character, identify the appearance, the actions, and the qualities that bring him or her to life, and then write something to portray that given character.
I had a slight advantage over everybody else; I wrote about a character I had preconceived for one of my manuscripts (which reminds me: I finally finished drafting Ouroboros: Angel-Craft! It's a fantasy novel that's taken me five years to get typed out. So now, I can move on to book number three in this series, which is where this character makes an appearance). I had a scene in mind that could shed some light on who this character is and why she is the way she is. Although the book will be written in first-person perspective, I wrote this in third person, with the sole purpose of providing a glimpse of this character (think of it as a sneak preview that won't actually be in the finished product).
So here is the scene I wound up writing; most of it is the same as what I jotted down in my notebook, but I extended the scene and finished it off with a brief fight. Feel free to read on, and see if you can identify what manner of character this is, what her motivations are, and what her defining attributes are.
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Ouroboros: Demon-Blood; Excerpt, Chapter [Unknown]
Having fought their way through the castle’s bailey, the thegns had finally breached the keep. While they kept the dark elves at bay, the young prince Theisel charged down the corridors and ran up the spiral staircase to the top floors.
There, he faced the wicked tyrant, Vykara Guntirsdottir. The tall woman turned and regarded the prince with angry blue eyes. As the queen of the elves, she had red elfin war paint ordaining her pale cheeks. Her long black hair was braided and decorated with elfish wood tokens and iron clasps. Covering her voluptuous figure was a set of iron armor, engraved with ornate knots and dwarven runs. A set of sharp metal spikes extended from her pauldrons.
Regarding Theisel, Vykara sneered in endless contempt, and drew her sword: the legendary blade Άlfarschrei, which was said to invigorate (if not outright control) the dark elves. Pointing the sword at Theisel, Vykara mocked, “Come, boy! I’ll run you through before I have you steal my glory from me!”
“Your glory?” Theisel challenged with a high-and-mighty tone. “There is nothing glorious about your vile campaign! You’ve murdered hundreds, razed all the townships, and single-handedly destroyed the Kingdom of Narsing!”
“Oh come now, is what I do any worse than what your kingdom does already? My former husband was a thegn who murdered, razed villages, and conquered nations, all in the name of Nordsten! How hypocritical that you’d condone the viciousness of your thegns, but condemn mine!”
“You vile kinslayer! I know you murdered your husband! That makes you a traitor as it is! Now, as you command the Svartálfar, you betray all of mankind!”
“Mankind betrayed me first!” Vykara seethed. “My husband was a drunken brute! For all the times he brutalized me, he deserved to die the way he did!”
“You justify your actions through your suffering?”
“I justify nothing. My actions were done from pure impulse. The purest, darkest impulse from the purest, deepest pit of my soul. Embracing my passion has set me free. And by the eye of Odin and his host of Æsir, I will slaughter anybody who interferes with the freedom of me and my allies!”
“You’ve caused far too much damage to the Kingdom,” Theisel said, drawing his sword. “You have to die.”
Running to Vykara, Theisel swung his sword. His opponent blocked the attack and parried. Theisel swung again, aiming for Vykara’s midsection; she deflected the blow again.
Retaliating, Vykara stepped forward and jabbed at Theisel’s head. He parried the attack, but Vykara rammed her body into his. The impact caused the prince to stumble across the floor. While he staggered, the queen advanced with her sword raised, ready to bring it down on his head.
Whirling, Theisel swung low. With quick reflexes, Vykara leapt, allowing the blade to slice the air beneath her. When she landed, she advanced on Theisel and heaved her sword at him. He deflected the attack expertly.
Standing on his feet, Theisel stood in an aggressive stance, and attacked Vykara again. As his sword came at her, she flung hers downward, bashing her blade against his. With a loud clang, her sword cut off the end of his; the tip of Theisel’s sword clattered uselessly on the ground.
Gasping in surprise, Theisel realized his mortal mistake; he failed to recognize the gleaming red metal on the edge of Άlfarschrei. The Marzenite coating made the sword far stronger than his standard steel weapon.
He reached down for the broken sword tip, hoping he could still use it offensively. Before he could grab it, Vykara grabbed him by the collar. With one hand, she raised him in the air; her strength caught him by surprise. Even as he squirmed and struggled, her arm was stiff and unwavering.
Looking into her steely blue eyes, Theisel stammered, “You can’t be human!”
“You have no idea,” Vykara remarked as she jabbed Άlfarschrei into the prince’s chest. The sword pierced in between Theisel’s armor plates, penetrated the flesh beneath, and severed his arteries. With blood dripping from his wound, Theisel’s life gradually faded from his body.
As Vykara dropped the body, she let out a sinister, mocking laughter.
Good scene. Take a look at words you don't need and get rid of them. You have such a strong thread going here that you really don't need to embellish. For example: "Standing on his feet, Theisel stood in an aggressive stance, and attacked Vykara again." You remind us three times that Theisel is standing. Re: "standing on his feet (You don't need 'on his feet'.), "stood," and "stance." How about rewriting it like this: Taking an aggressive stance, Theisel attacked Vykara again.
ReplyDeleteAnother example of too many words: "Gasping in surprise, Theisel realized his mortal mistake . . . . " You really don't need "in surprise" because of the to the point way you wrote the rest of the sentence. We, the readers, know from what you tell us that he wouldn't be gasping for any other reason than surprise.
Great scene and loving the character names.