Part 1
79: The Toolbox Murders (2002)
Tobe Hooper directed this remake of the original 70’s slasher, and he did succeed in making it stylish. Unfortunately, it still looks really cheap, and the story leaves much to be desired. The characters are so poorly developed, I was actually rooting for the serial killer to pick them off. For that matter, I would have been grateful if somebody broke into the house and killed the movie while it was in progress…
Entertainment: Poor | Story: Very Poor | Film: Marginal | Resonance: Very Low
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78: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
Well, this movie certainly does have an aesthetic appeal. It’s got plenty of cool-looking airships and dogfights and retro-futuristic stuff! For some odd reason, its execution didn’t appeal. The film is cheesy, for better or for worse, and the frequent special effects looks pretty cheap. Overall, the film just didn’t grab me the way I wanted it to, and thus it failed to resonate. Maybe in Spielberg handled this material, it could have really been something…
Entertainment: Marginal | Story: Marginal | Film: Marginal | Resonance: Very Low
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77: The Haunted World of El Superbeasto
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| This was also my expression while watching the movie... |
Rob Zombie’s cartoon has its moments. It is somewhat fun to geek out at all the horror movie references and parodies. Unfortunately, despite a few good jokes, the film’s comedy is a huge hit-or-a-miss. The story is so stupid and irreverent, the movie probably would have been better without one. The animation is appealing, but the film overall feels every bit as trashy as Rob Zombie’s music (and in this case, mixing trashiness with animation just didn’t work). Nope, I like
Drawn Together instead.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Awful | Film: Average | Resonance: Low
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76: Scooby Doo
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| Get off!!! |
Turning this classic animated character into a live-action film with (gaudy-looking) CGI graphics will undoubtedly appeal more to a younger demographic of viewers. From this adult’s standpoint, the movie is pretty darn cheap and stupid. It might be forgivable, if it wasn’t for a terrible last act that turns one of the classic characters into a monstrosity of a villain (literally). Watching this film is an embarrassment.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Very Poor | Film: Marginal | Resonance: Low
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75: S. Darko
Donnie Darko was an interesting, mystifying, addicting Rubik’s cube of a movie. Then along came this mean sister of a film, which takes that Rubik’s cube and smashes it to the ground, so that all the little colored cubes are scattered all over the place with no real reason or meaning.
S. Darko does have some nice camera work and it is somewhat entertaining, but the plot is convoluted and all mixed to hell. It’s best to stick with the big brother instead.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor | Film: Marginal | Resonance: Very Low
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74: Ice Pirates
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| One of the film's more awkward moments... |
This is a movie about a universe where all water is controlled by some evil empire. Like no other place in all of mortal existence can produce H2O; what a stupid concept! Good news is, this is not a movie meant to be taken seriously; as a self-conscious comedy, spoofing off of space-aged science fiction fantasies, the movie does offer a few good laughs. However, the story is as stupid as it gets, and the film looks pretty darn cheap.
Entertainment: Pretty Good | Story: Awful | Film: Poor | Resonance: Marginal
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73: Storm Warriors
This film does have some cool-looking parts, as warriors use sorcery to manipulate winds and water to send swords flying all over the place. Still, the story didn’t really stand out much, and the film looks pretty dreadful at times (especially with its overabundance of bad-looking special effects). Compared to myriads of other Asian fantasy films, this one just gets lost in the flood.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor | Film: Poor | Resonance: Very Poor
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72: Super Mario Bros
They took one of the most seminal video games of all time and turned it into a
Blade Runner knock-off…with giant mutant reptiles…and old-school rap music. This stupid story is made even more dumb with one too many stupid, cheesy moments and lines. The movie overall looks weird and dreadful. In the end, if it had any more cheese, the film reel would be a pizza pie!
Entertainment: Good | Story: Very Poor | Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Low
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71: Gunfighter (1999)
Not to be confused with the 1950 classic western of the same name (which I still haven’t seen), this is a cheap and silly western directed by Christopher Coppola. Once I took a look at the actual film, I realized I mistook Chris with Francis (although, as you may see later, even Francis Ford Coppola has his bad films). This film offers a nice narrative structure, but it’s still a dumb story hardly worth telling. Above all, the film is so chap and bad-looking, it’s laughable. It’s almost one of those “so bad it’s good” kind of movies. Watch at your own peril!
Entertainment: Good | Story: Very Poor | Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Low
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70: In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Continuing in his streak of taking good video game franchises and destroying them, the good doctor Uwe Boll takes on
Dungeon Siege franchise and uses it as his chance to try and rival something like
The Lord of the Rings. The result? He made a film that’s so long, it gets boring. Even the battle scenes are boring, offering little to no variation or peril to keep them interesting. The film does have a few nice-looking moments, and the actors are earnest. Still, going through this film can be like an endurance test. Did I mention that this stupid movie has absolutely zilch to do with the original video game?!
Entertainment: Marginal | Story: Poor | Film: Marginal | Resonance: Very Low
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69: Dumb and Dumberer: How Harry Met Lloyd
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| The evolution of dumb. Yeah, that's the movie's actual tagline... |
I got to hand it to the actors, they did a phenomenal job at matching up their performances with Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels in the original
Dumb and Dumber. Unfortunately, the story, the comedy, the film itself, is all way too dumberer than it should be.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor | Film: Poor | Resonance: Very Low
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68: Zaat
This mutant product from Florida could be one of those movies that’s so bad it’s laughable. But boy, it sure is bad! Showcasing the ambitions of a mad scientist who turns into a fish monster with a grand delusion to conquer the world, he goes about polluting everything with a single spray bottle of ooze, and terrorizes women for kicks. Yep, it’s stupid, and the film itself looks incredibly cheap and fake.
Entertainment: Pretty Good | Story: Very Poor | Film: Awful | Resonance: Average
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67: 10.5 Apocalypse
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| Surf's up, dudes!!! |
This film does manage to entertain well enough, with large amounts of mass destruction. As usual with many disaster movies (especially from the Sci-Fi channel…and I still refuse to call it “Sy-Fy”), the story is pretty darn stupid, and the film is quite poor in quality.
Entertainment: Pretty Good | Story: Poor | Film: Awful | Resonance: Low
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66: Battlespace
This cheap little film has a good amount of ambition. It does have a lot of interesting special effects; they’re really awful-looking, but they are still pretty interesting. The story goes all over the place, but it does have its moments, and tries its best to be sci-fi of a thought-provoking sort. Unfortunately, the story still leaves much to be desired, and the film overall looks very poor.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Marginal | Film: Awful | Resonance: Low
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65: They Came From Beyond Space
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| Could this be the ghost of Sarek? |
Oh yeah, this movie is every bit as bad as the title (what the heck is beyond space anyway? Who are "they?"). It involves a bunch of space rocks taking people over and making them to diabolical things. The film plays out rather dryly, and the story could have had better execution if it wasn’t for the gaudy-looking production value.
Entertainment: Average | Story: Poor| Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Low
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64: Bridge to Hell
From what little I can remember of this incredibly dull and generic action flick, it entertained well enough. There just wasn’t much of a story, and the film quality is bad.
Entertainment: Pretty Good | Story: Poor | Film: Very Poor | Resonance: Very Low
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63: The Werewolf of Washington
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| Candidate for the 2012 elections. Yeah, the choices are getting worse all the time... |
A dull experience overall, with a dull story, filmed in a dull fashion. It’s certainly not memorable. I don’t even remember what the werewolf in Washington looked like. The only good thing about this will be in watching Dean Stockwell’s performance, but you can surely find better alternatives than this.
Entertainment: Poor | Story: Poor | Film: Poor | Resonance: Low
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62: War, Inc
This film presents the idea that war could be packaged, sold, and controlled like a corporate product. Unfortunately, this film does nothing to make the concept interesting on any level; the film fails to induce interest (or laughter, since this is a comedy of sorts) and craft any workable story. The film looks decent enough; it’s a shame that it doesn’t really have anything fun or important to say.
Entertainment: Poor | Story: Poor | Film: Average | Resonance: Very Low
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61: Shrooms
A horror story revolving around mushroom eating. Or so I assume. You know, I forgot about most of this film, because it’s utterly forgettable. It looks well-made and all, but doesn’t really have much of a story, and it’s not particularly engaging. Horror film fans can probably dig it pretty well, but it didn’t do much for me.
Entertainment: Poor | Story: Poor | Film: Pretty Good | Resonance: None
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60: Alien From LA
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| The film's target audience. |
Last time I checked, this was at the very bottom of imdb’s bottom 100 list. It’s there for a good reason: despite one or two amusing moments, the film is not all that funny or fun. The story’s pretty dumb. The film has a fairly cheap production design. In the end, it’s not all that memorable either.
Entertainment: Marginal | Story: Poor | Film: Marginal | Resonance: Very Low
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To be continued...
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